have heart

Faster than a heart could ever beat
I saw you crossing over the street
Finding it hard to hold back the tears
Well too scared of my own fears

Realising that time has chased you up
And you have nothing to refill your empty cup
Thoughts and pains all over the place
Nothing but black stains running down your face

Life's more than a direction that you choose
The biggest game that you can ever lose
Trying to retract the lies and cheats
And beg for forgiveness from the hand that feeds

Cover ups and well made disguises
Not minding the arranged compromises
Wrong prices made for sympathy
Have led you towards agonizing apathy

Luck is not what you can count on anymore
Only hard work is what you are living for
Your heart will carry on beating for sure
There really is nothing just as pure.

The ruiner is an infector

Lovely moments never last that long and you know it, don't you. Once it's over you light your cigarette. Well, at least you know when it's over. A cigarette to prepare you for the worst day and another when you're through it. That's what life is like at the moment. Every now and then you go dancing, but it just doesn't seem to be the same anymore. People's taste of music has changed vehemently. They rarely play your favourite songs now. So what's left? Your room and your computer, oh yes! For you to do whatever you want to do and listen to what you want. You don't sign in to chat to people, because you don't feel like it. Some resent you for doing that, so what. And your mobile's off and the other's unplugged. FUCKING RESENT ME THEN! You need to learn to be strong, hard and stress resistent, but you're trying to do everything without being any of those. That's no good. Not at all. You think it's a good way to learn by crushing yourself into trouble, but in the end it just turns out worse than the trouble itself. At least you're not the only one who thinks the older you get, the more frightened you become. Then suddenly you remember having felt something like that as a child and the same kind of fear re-occurs. That's the moment where you want to shoot yourself in the fucking face.