How I made it to the zodiac chart

To convince their piers why they deserved to be at the top of the zodiac chart, each animal gave an account of its merit.

The Bull said it helped the farmer to plow the fields.
The Tiger said it was strong and powerful.
The Rabbit said it was the famous Jade Rabbit of Chang Er.
The Dragon said it symbolized Kingship and Royal Descendant.
The Snake said it was smart.
The Horse said it could travel thousands of miles.
The Lamb said it provided wool for clothing.
The Monkey said monkey-see-monkey-do, and it could do whatever human could.
The Rooster said its calling woke up the farmer in the morning.
The Dog said it was the best friend of human and it protected them.
The Pig said its meat tasted good.

When it came to the Rat, it simply said, 'I am the king of the jungle!' Everyone laughed but the Rat continued, 'Who do you think was the king of the jungle?' When all the animals agreed that the Elephant was, the Rat swiftly ran into the ear canal of the Elephant and brought it to its knees. After this, all animals agreed that the Rat should make it at the top of the list.

Inhumanity

The day I sent out the application form I felt nervous. In the very last second I decided to send it by registered post in order to make sure that it WILL reach the employer’s hands. It is what I want, but I am not sure if it is for the better. There are things that I do which make me think that I am selfish. I have no problem admitting it. I have never been fully altruistic anyway. It does not make you feel any better to help others when knowing that you cannot help yourself. It depresses you actually. They seem so grateful for what you have done, they think you have a big heart, but deep inside you hardly care and it makes you sad that they actually have no idea about you. And you would not make the effort to explain it to them. I just help because if you see a person lying in dirt, you will feel inhuman if you simply walked past. But what is human anyway in this planet? I hate elderly people, but I still hold the door open for them. I forgive an elderly conservative who comes up to me at work and asks me firstly “Do you speak well German?” That is because I know he is too old to change; to change his point of view. Another elderly, but still very down to earth (I could tell by the earnestness in his eyes), had ordered “MEIN KAMPF” from our online catalogue and bought it in our store. My hands froze when I touched that book. It took me back to the windless area of Auschwitz where there were no birds and the two Japanese tourists who took pictures whilst standing next to the ovens, smiling. To tell you the truth, this is not necessarily macabre or disrespectful or inhuman or whatever you will say. This is simply a reflection of us. Whatever disgusts us, this is who we are, because we making it happen. Many of us are just too weak and naïve to actually perceive it, even I. Bret Easton Ellis cheered about J. D. Salinger’s death. Truth is: would Salinger even care about that? No, he wouldn’t. I have no sense for sympathy anymore either, but I still play along, because everyone I love expects it from me. My broken heart, my relentless emotions and deceiving head games just don’t matter, but I am forced to play along. So I set goals (there are four right now) in order to give my life a purpose. It is nature’s gift and I appreciate it. Those goals will keep me busy for the next 15 years or so. Apathy is a significant tool if you know how to use it. On my last birthday I had realized something: your biggest fears as a teenager are coming true and it’s starting right now. This is the reason why you hate children and teenagers; simply because you are envious. And you hate the elderly because they are who they are – dim-witted. The kids are bored again and you are just too tired to support them this time around. You say young foreigners are attacking people and your town? All you can do is blame families and schools. How about blaming all people for heating up the world, as heat takes over the core of our bodies, which ultimately means that we are uncontrollably angry just like the world itself? We are angry because nothing is changing for the better. So, conservatives are scared of changes, because they fear that the changes will lead us toward our downfall completely, so they lie to each other in order to keep the balance. I love Rorschach not because he is extreme right wing, but because he is honest; more honest than me, John Lydon and Alceste. And he even accepts the fact that people turn their backs on him because of his honesty. But I am scared of it. Be happy with what you see on the surface, whereas I will always look beneath your surface, if you like it or not. We don’t need to talk about it, you know.

The cage is open

Short hours pressed between a day's routine
Or is it the body that cannot wait
The most beautiful light you've ever seen
Time has as usual come way too late

Slowly fading into a dirty white neon flash
Ugly moment to invite friend and foe
Maybe write a brand new overture for cash
Won't make you any happier though

Always looking back to where it had begun
Remember you face the same thing twice
See the same old face during the morning sun
Don't live a life so easy and concise

Rise

I’ve been avoiding phone calls and still people call me, because they are worried. All feel I might need someone to talk to and stuff. You people are wonderful and I know that. I’m not someone who needs to talk about my things. I do not feel better afterwards, I feel worse. This is why I think sympathy is simply WRONG. No one feels the way you do. Get me. I tell one or two people at the most, but that’s it and even they understand it the way I don’t want them to understand – the rest is just writing for my own self (in other words telling everyone if you like to put it this way). If you can relate, good, but at the end of the day it doesn’t make any sense, neither to you nor to me.
There are at least two of my friends who are too good to be my friends and it’s starting to piss me off so much that I’d love to slap them. I can’t deal with hearts that know nothing but purity. It’s because I know that I won’t be able to help them whenever they’ll need me. They want you to help them stay pure for good. They lack of the experience that I have already dealt with. That is because they are doing EVERYTHING to avoid those experiences simply because they are fucking scared. They can’t even watch violence in movies. Make them watch “Ichi The Killer” and they’d beg for mercy! All I can say is: Don’t be boring. People don’t deserve your goodness. And sometimes they don’t want it.
Very often people ask me how I write all these things I do on facebook and twitter. Once you’ve decided to be honest with yourself and everyone around you, it works just like that. If you think too hard about something, your words usually come out empty. Then you’re a boring intellectual. My attention span is very low right now, so I put everything in just one or two sentence(s). That’s enough.
On a day like today (Sunday) where I can relax, I am allowed to let myself feel tired and take a nap. The moment before I fall asleep I hear hundreds of voices in my head. I don’t know where they’re from or what they want, except for taking part in my dream exhibition. Still I appreciate Sundays. Since my mind and body are so used to work, they are always prepared to “work” and when they realize that I am not working, but sitting and reading, my body decides to make me tired in order for me to catch up with some sleep. Now and then my body is good to me. Not always.
Two of my male friends I haven’t met for a while said to me “Oh my God, Paula! You’ve lost bust!” Yeah, what a tragedy. Thanks body.

I only want one thing right now: A hug, my arms around his neck and his arms around my waist. And just feel his warm breath against my ear. That’s all. He has beautiful blue eyes which I first mistook for brown and a streak of grey hair.

Last thoughts of February

Short hours pressed between a day's routine
Or is it the body that cannot wait
The most beautiful light you've ever seen
Time has as usual come way too late

Slowly fading into a dirty white neon flash
Ugly moment to invite friend and foe
Maybe write a brand new overture for cash
Won't make you any happier though

Always looking back to where it had begun
Remember you face the same thing twice
See the same old face during the morning sun
Don't live a life so easy and concise